How to Get Unstuck

For too long you’ve dreamt of leaving your job, felt flat in your relationship, and feel like you’ve settled in life. But you are meant for so much more than a mundane life. Your natural state is one of miracles. So if you aren’t living fully into that, something is blocked. And it’s time to reawaken your soul and start saying yes to your Divine Purpose.

get it, you’re stuck in life. For too long you’ve dreamt of leaving your job and starting that passion business; you’ve felt flat in your relationship and feel like you’ve settled with your partner; you’ve always wanted to go on that dream vacation but can never seem to find a “good time” to go.

But, lovely, you are meant for so much more than a mundane life. Those flashes of inspiration you feel when a message, a reading, or a synchronicity pop up into your life and speak to your core - that can be an ongoing feeling in your life.

Your natural state is one of miracles and auspiciousness. So if you aren’t living fully into that, something is blocked. And it’s time to reawaken your soul and start saying yes to your Divine Purpose.

Take a look at these powerful messages that share my insights into the way you can finally get unstuck:

What is really going on when you’re stuck? What steps can you take to move past it? How can compassion for yourself help to shift the energy? And what do boundaries have to do with getting you unstuck?

Getting Unstuck

The thing about feeling stuck is that you don’t know how to get out of it. That’s why you’re stuck. It’s easy to get trapped in the stuck cycle.

You know you’re not comfortable, and yet, you don’t know what to do to get out of it. You’re paralyzed in the situation.

Maybe it’s a relationship that you’re not happy in, but you’re dependent on your partner. Breaking up would mean MAJOR changes, and you don’t feel like you can do it. So you just stay…. unhappy and unfulfilled.

Maybe it’s a job that’s soul sucking and wearing you down. You started hopeful that you could make a change in the organization. But now you don’t feel like you’re making a difference. So you just go through the motions everyday. You keep telling yourself you’ll look for another job, but by the end of the day you’re so exhausted that you can’t seem to find another one. So you just stay… unhappy and unfulfilled.

Maybe it’s your dream of traveling you put on the back-burner all these years. Between the kids’ soccer games, and the hubby’s work trips, you seem to always be taking care of others. You always wanted to spend a month in the Alaskan wilderness, backpack through Europe, and visit that luxury resort in Bali. Everyone else somehow makes it happen and you feel left behind. But what about the money? The kids? The pets? The house? So you just stay… unhappy and unfulfilled.

Whatever it is that you’ve given up on, there is a part of you that is dissatisfied and yearning for more. And that small voice inside of you knows that you don’t want to waste your one precious life settling for an unhappy and unfulfilled life.

This is what it means to feel stuck: You don’t want to be where you are, but you don’t know how to make the change.

The good news is that there is a way to look at your situation and start to shift the energy. Most people are afraid that if they “rock the boat” it will lead to disaster. They’re afraid to make any move that might shake the foundation of their safety (even if means staying unhappy).

So this lesson is ALL about how to get unstuck. What is really going on when you feel stuck? What can you do to move the energy, start to make new decisions, and release the fear of disaster. I’ll be diving in to how setting boundaries can help you get unstuck, and how to honor yourself in the process.

My 4 Steps to Getting Unstuck

 It’s hard to make a change - Of all people, I get it!

I was stuck in job after job that I hated, stayed in relationships for waaaaay too long, and even felt stuck in a city that I didn’t fit in with.

So what was it that finally gave me the courage and energy to change?

I started to get real about my situation, addressed my victim mentality, and recognized where I was giving away my power.

I used to think that being stuck was a symptom of being a victim of my circumstance. I felt like no matter what options I had to try and make a change - they all led to some kind of disaster.

> I can’t stay where I live because I can’t stand my roommates, can’t afford rent, and don’t like my apartment.
>> But I can’t move because it’s too expensive to change cities or even apartments!

> I can’t stay in this relationship because my partner is driving me crazy and I feel like I’m suffocating in this family.
>> But I can’t leave my relationship because I’m dependent on them and it would be really hard to make it on my own.

> I can’t stand this job and HAVE to get out of here for my own sanity. Staying would mean sucking my soul for the rest of my life.
>> But I can’t quit my job because I’m not ready to make it as an entrepreneur and I don’t have another job lined up. Plus, I’m too exhausted to apply for other jobs when I get home from work!

Whatever the scenario… every move feels like an insurmountable obstacle. Every option you have feels like a betrayal of your needs and your sanity.

So how can you reframe your circumstances and choices, and find the empowering option? How can you claim your power back and not be a victim of your own life?

Getting unstuck is actually about taking responsibility. I know the eye roll that comes with hearing this: your parents and teachers growing up used this as a way to tell you how lazy and useless you were.

But taking responsibility is really about finding freedom. Even if it’s uncomfortable at first.

This is what will help you to finally break free from being a victim in your life. And it starts with really evaluating your choices.

STEP 1:
>> Start to think outside the box and be open to other options you may have dismissed right off the bat. What if you DID find a new place, get a new job, and leave the suffocating relationship? Think through the options without focusing on the obstacles, but rather the outcomes instead.

STEP 2:
>> Recognize that even if all of your options aren’t ideal, you STILL have choice in the matter. Being a victim is really about being unwilling to face your options. You avoid them all because none feel right.

But you can reclaim your power over your situation by recognizing that you are responsible for making a choice. And choosing to stay stuck is the choice you’re making now. So get real about what ELSE you could be choosing.

“You choose the behavior, you choose the consequence.” -Dr. Phil.

STEP 3:
>> Get clear about your goals: What would it take someone to get from where you are to where you want to be? What exactly is required?

When you do this, go back to previous choices you dismissed at first, and be open to the possibility of them working out.

I call this “starting with yes.” When you have a thought and immediately say, “Well there’s no way that can happen,” that’s starting with the NO. Flip that habit, and simply say, “Well… what if it CAN happen?”

STEP 4:
>> Get the energy moving by choosing the option that will start to move you in the right direction. Even if you don’t have all the details worked out yet, that’s okay. Just say, “I’m choosing the possibility that this can work out.”

This may still be one of the options that you don’t like, but instead of running away from looming disaster, you can be present with the discomfort of your choices, and find your power to make a choice anyway.

After all, you are meant for so much more than staying stuck for the rest of your life…

Compassion as a Tool for Getting Unstuck

So I’ve given my 4 steps to getting unstuck, and let’s be honest… they require you to GET REAL and take some radical self responsibility for your life.

Which isn’t always fun. It requires you to be present with decisions that may not be easy or ideal.

So how can you move past the fear that’s held you back for all of these years? How can you finally find the courage to move in the direction of your next goal? To get past the limitations that have kept you stuck and unhappy where you are?

COMPASSION

Usually we think of compassion as caring for others. But in your scenario of being stuck, it’s all about turning the compassion towards yourself.

After all, you’ve got a difficult decision to make: Take the risk of moving forward and making a change (what if you fail?!). Or take the risk of staying stuck and settling for the rest of your life.

>> You’ve left your job, and even though you’re excited about the freedom, there ARE people you’ll miss.

>> You’ve decided to stay in the relationship for now, and even though you feel some security, you feel like you’re betraying yourself in the dynamics.

>> You’ve chosen to finally go on that big trip you’ve always wanted to take, but you feel the grief of having denied yourself for all these years because you felt unworthy.

Either way, you have to make the choice. And even if you’ve shifted into a place of empowerment with your decision, there may still be some grief around the change.

You can be happy for something new, and also sad about things changing. This is the multifaceted aspect of transition. And getting unstuck is ALL about transition.

So be gentle with yourself. Have compassion for your tough decisions. If it were easy, you wouldn’t feel stuck…

What is one way you can show yourself compassion for your situation? What is the kindest thing you can say to yourself in this transition period? How can you be gentle with yourself instead of weaponizing your challenges?

Goals are Boundaries

What do BOUNDARIES and GETTING UNSTUCK have to do with each other? Aren’t boundaries all about limiting and putting things in a box? Sounds like the opposite of becoming free!

It may feel counterintuitive, but having healthy boundaries with yourself and others can be the thing you need to get the energy moving in your life.

If you look honestly about what has been keeping you stuck, it probably has something to do with settling for less.

> It’s the relationship that lost it’s spark loooong ago and now y’all just barely tolerate each other (on a good day). You are afraid to lose the security of your relationship, so you settle for less than passion.

> It’s the job that you dread going to everyday and doing the same monotonous thing over and over. But it pays the bills and give you generous time off, so you settle for working-for-the-weekend.

> It’s giving up on your goals because you think “who am I to achieve these great things?! I’m not worthy enough.” So you settle for playing small.

But the pain of staying stuck is now outweighing the fear of making a change.

And this is where BOUNDARIES come in to play. You can think of them as defining what you’re willing to tolerate.

And this is usually a reflection of your self worth.

I used to have a boundary for my finances that was very low - I was willing to experience being broke all the time, have a NEGATIVE account balance, and throw my money away the second I got any with unhealthy spending habits.

I was desperate for someone to save me from my misery, so I hired coach after coach who all up-sold me their next program that would be the ticket to happiness!

I didn’t have healthy boundaries with myself, my spending habits, or my money, and it was reflected in me being willing to tolerate poverty.

This was incredibly painful, but I kept recreating this experience of poverty because I was scared to set a boundary to have a positive bank account number.

And now that I have more dignity and self worth, I would NEVER imagine putting myself in that situation again.

Same thing with my weight loss journey: For many years I was gaining weight and not able to stop.

Then I had a boundary to stop gaining weight, but I wasn’t able to lose the 100-lbs (over 7 stone) I had gained. My boundaries were getting better, but still coming from a place of low self-esteem.

Then I shifted again to move towards my goals: I’ve lost half of the weight, and can never imagine going back to stagnating or even gaining weight again.

When you set a goal to get unstuck and start making a change, it requires that you set a new boundary with yourself to not settle.

What are you no longer willing to accept that you’ve been complacent with? What are you no longer willing to tolerate? What behaviors are you ready to be accountable to in order to see your result?

No matter what your goal is (even if it’s a TINY goal to simply shift your energy out of being stuck), it requires setting new boundaries with yourself that say, “I’m worth it. I’m worthy of my bank account getting bigger, my body getting healthier, my relationship getting more exciting, and my happiness level going up. I deserve to have standards and set a boundary.”

Because lovely, you DO deserve it. You are worthy of your goals and you are worthy of respecting your own boundaries.

What’s Mentionable is Manageable

The biggest factor keeping you stuck is AVOIDING what you don’t want to experience - some kind of emotional pain.

It’s human nature that if we feel overwhelmed by an emotion - be it shame, fear, self-doubt, pain, or even joy in some instances - you avoid it because you don’t know how to handle it. It’s unmanageable.

The emotions get shoved down and avoided. You never process through the experience, and it doesn’t go away, but at least you don’t have to deal with it. It becomes unmentionable.

The unmanageable becomes the unmentionable. If I ignore it, I never have to deal with it, right?

Well, yes. BUT, the tradeoff is that you get stuck and can never actually move in the direction of living fully.

If you don’t process the emotions and experiences you’re avoiding (because they’re just TOO painful), then it leads to a fragmented sense of self. You will never find wholeness if you reject the parts of yourself you don’t like.

Some people get stuck in these emotional loops for years, even decades. And it is genuinely a challenging experience to never feel closure or a resolution on an experience.

But the good news is, you can move through it.

If…
What’s unmanageable is unmentionable.

Then…
What’s mentionable is manageable.

The key to freedom is to process the underlying emotions and unmet needs.

The first step is the most challenging - what you’ve been avoiding for all these years feel scary. It feels unmanageable, overwhelming, and like it might destroy you.

But I promise, it wont.

Even your darkest shadows are still a part of the Divine being you are.

So if you can find the courage to go to the places that scare you, uncover what emotions you really feel about the situation, you can start to be free from the chains of them.

At first, you don’t even have to FEEL the emotions, you can just acknowledge their presence within you.

For example, something like anger is considered a secondary emotion. The primary being fear or powerlessness.

If you’re angry about something, try to soften into what you’re really feeling: powerless and scared.

You can still be angry and hold onto that as your protection for now. But at least you are able to see what’s underneath is. Now it’s named and finally mentionable. Which means it’s we can work with it and it’s manageable.

You’ve broken the chain of thinking.

Eventually, maybe even with support from a licensed professional, you can begin to actually feel the primary underlying emotion, and address the needs you never had met.

This is where the real healing work is. It takes a lot of courage to be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling. But it’s a whole new level of resilience to actually feel & heal the wounds.

Once you’re able to move through these, you’ll notice that you don’t necessarily revert back to your old patterns and habits of thinking that were designed to keep you safe, but actually kept you stuck.

You’ve healed and broken the cycle of being stuck.

>> You’re free from the belief that you’re not worthy of experiencing inner fulfillment.

>> You’re free from the wounds that made you think you don’t deserve a loving and passionate relationship.

>> You’re free from the pain of not having your needs met that kept you stuck in indecision.

>> And you can finally cultivate the confidence, worthiness, and self love to move towards your desires!